tirsdag den 4. december 2012

... If i get hurted, will you then be there to carry me around?

.. my back... i am so tired of having a cronic injury, cause it is just suddenly there, and then it just disappears!:( but well.. it exploded in my chem. class today, and i could sit down, i couldn't breath.. i couldn't do nothing!... it sucked! i had to go to the nurse, where i got to lay on ice, i felt so much more clever than the nurse, because i knew that what i actually should do, was heat.. but i didn't tell them that, that would be rude! i layed with ice for almost an hour, even though i know that you should only have it on for 20 min, max. it didn't help, but at least it made me skip my pe class!!!! i would do anything for not to run with that back! the lady gave me 3 pills, don't ask me which, but they made me so dissy, and tired.. so my english class was so weird for me, cause my head was spinning around, and right now we are making our essay for the finals, and if it isn't hard enough already.. i really don't understand what i am doing, it is just hard :(

after school i had work, and i only did it so kayte could look at my back. she did different stretches, and tests on me, but not of them where possitive (i am really flexible, don't ask me how i got flexible, cause i haven't been it for a long time!), so she just decided to let me lay with heat! later that day one of my friends had an injury, and he needed "electro stimulation" of the muscle (google it), and we kayte just tried it on us because we wanted to try it on full level, the first time i tried it, was really fun. It feels like your body is cramping, but the feeling is more like when your foot is sleeping, like that feeling of tickerling 'ish feeling. Second time she did it was fun to, except for that, when she turned it off.. i threw up! don't ask me how or why, i just did.. it was so weird. The pain i have in my back is a really sharp pain, and it hurts a lot, and it makes me sick so much it hurts, but i didn't expect it to actually make my stomach ready for thowing up!!!!!
i asked kayte 2 hours after, what she thought it could be, and she said that because i have that sharp pain, no reaction on the muscle tests, and the the pain is so painfull, and because i threw up, she would guess it was a discusolaps, but she couldn't say anything for sure... and if it continues, she would recommend me to go to a doctor and get a x-ray, just to make sure, especially if i was going to do sports! i got so sad.. i normaly don't listen to people when they say they think i have some kind of injury, cause if they aren't sure, i am not sure, and i don't have to worry about it then, but my emotions are just so unstable, because i keep thinking about that i am going home, and that i just want to stay here forever and never return... my life is wonderfull, and yes i miss some parts of my old life, but.. what i have now, is things that i have always dreamed of, and that i know i wont be able to get ever again :(... i don't want to cry now.. so, i'll end this now!

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